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Dear diary,

The last time I wrote something here was a year ago and it feels a bit surreal to be back here writing. I’m not sure if I’ve still got this because I’m not the same person that I was when I started this blog.

For one, I turn 25 tomorrow. That’s absolutely crazy. Where did all the years go? Feels like one minute I was a frantic, quick-to-get-afraid, always-full-of-grief, eager-to-please-everyone 19 year old and I looked away for a minute, and six years flew by and revealed a more guarded, hopeful and joyful, quiet-but-confident version of myself.

I looked in the mirror today, turning my head this way and that, trying to figure out this person staring back at me. Her eyes are deep with a knowledge that comes with maturity. I look away and walk to my work desk and sit in front of the computer.

Two nights ago, I had my friends on a zoom call praying me into my 25th year. In many ways, I sense this new age marking a shift and the beginning of the next stage of my life. Joys and grief, hope and pain – every single thing has led me here and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

I close my eyes and see The Father within me. He is smiling. I smile back. I know that He only cares for this new age because it matters to me – He has other ways for marking the seasons of my life. “What do you want me to give you as a gift for this birthday?” He asks. I already know what I want but I don’t know if I’m ready for the weight of it. I whisper my request and He is silent. “Lord, if I am not ready then don’t give it to me. I am content and satisfied with my life as it is.” He doesn’t respond and so I know that He will do whatever He deems best for me and I trust in His character so my heart is at peace.

My life is so different now: wife, working a job in tech, YouTuber, writer, content creator, and all things in-between. I join a virtual meeting with my office colleagues and after we discuss work, I continue my job at my desk. My birthday falls on a work day – Tuesday but I don’t mind, because I like my job. I wonder what my husband has planned for the day. He’s good with surprises so maybe dinner at a restaurant I haven’t been to and some gifts? I don’t know.

I’ve also had a number of people ask me what I want for my birthday and I never know how to respond. Of course, I love getting gifts but I don’t know how to ask. Maybe I’ll get over myself one day and be able to admit that I enjoy receiving credit alerts lol. We’ll see.

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23 thoughts on “THE EVE BEFORE”

  1. Happy Birthday 🎉
    I was so happy when I saw that u are born in April and proud Of us born in April
    Shout out to all of us🥂
    Im April 16 🤗🤭

  2. Belated happy birthday love… Sorry it’s coming now. May God’s joy and peace continue to fill your heart and home forever. I want to ask you a private question pls
    Mrs Mirian

  3. Happy belated birthday Ezinne Zara. I love love 😘 you so much and I hope to meet you some day. You’re such a beautiful soul making tremendous impact and I thank God for your life and your obedient walk with Him.

  4. This just made me really get emotional.
    What a love relationship you have with your Father. It’s so beautiful.
    See how far he’s brought you. It’s so so beautiful to watch.
    Friends praying you into your 25th year ❤️
    Oh, I look forward to a time when I shall be living out His promises for my life one by one.
    P.S. My dear, learn to ask for what you want. Remind yourself always that you deserve to receive love in the same way you give it.
    Happy belated 25th to you.

  5. I just love you so much, it hurts.

    Here I am reading this and I’m nineteen, I’m recommitting to taking things slowly, being in the present and just stop rushing.

    Happy birthday Mrs. Ezinne. Loving you forever.

    1. Exactly. I would be 19 in like a week two. And the fact that her 19 year old self is who I currently am gives me hope that I can be better at 25 too.

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