31/08/2020

Dear diary,

How do you know when you are encountering the love of God?

The world has a warped understanding of love and it has been described as many things – tolerating falsehood and turning a blind eye to sin, refusing to speak the truth and ‘rock the boat’, going along with the crowd so you don’t make anyone uncomfortable, declaring all human instincts permissible and so on. But what really is love? Is it what happens when one is walking along the road and a red-eyed bus conductor calls out, “fine girl, I love you!” Or is love that reciprocated energy you receive when you’ve done things to be pleasing to people?

Like many people, I am still trying to understand what it truly means to love and be loved, learning that it’s presence in my life does not absolve me of pain or correction. In fact, scripture says that the Lord chastises (corrects) the one He loves.

But perhaps the most profound thing I’ve learnt is that real love doesn’t feel deserved and kindness is an indicator that you’re encountering the God kind of love – it’s the kindness of God to even reach out to correct us and save us from ourselves, if only we could see it! It’s the kindness of God to wake us up every morning, to place your name on someone’s heart, to line up blessings in your path, to turn evil around for your good, to send Jesus Christ to receive the judgement for your sins.

It was this kindness that was shown to me yesterday by my friends who for weeks, have been planning a surprise bridal shower for me.

When I woke up that morning, I got out of bed feeling heavy – a natural consequence of failing to intentionally make out time for prayer but still attempting to do every day life. There were wedding plans that weren’t going the way I wanted and it’s can be easy to focus on the negatives and summarise it as your entire life. Yes, despite all the blessings in this season of my life, my heart has been often rocked with fears, anxieties and worries.

I knew my friends had come together on their own and planned a bridal shower to celebrate my engagement and wedding but I did not know details of what they had planned. I managed to drag myself out of bed, get dressed, and as my sister did my hair and makeup, she tried to encourage me to brighten up, saying that I have a tendency to overthink everything. I smiled to reassure her that I was fine, but shortly after I was worrying about the bridal shower and wondering if I would have to pay my friends back for what they were doing. However, when I got to where my friends had gathered to celebrate me, all those fears dissipated.

Not only were all outside at the door, cheering and welcoming me, they had done up the place with pink and white decor! I was given a pink sash and a white flower crown, there were dozens of balloons filled with oxygen from the lungs of my friends lol, printed pictures of me and Isimeme attached to the door and the strings hanging from the balloons, a beautiful cake, food and wine, and it was amazing to see that they did all of these themselves, for me.

We played lots of games and danced, laughing until my sides was hurt and much later they prayed over me. My friend, Angel joined in over zoom because she’s overseas and couldn’t be with us physically, and I wondered in my heart how the enemy managed to fill my heart with fear and dread concerning something that God wanted to bless me with.

To be surrounded by such love was the best feeling. My friends formed a circle around me and prayed their hearts out, covering my wedding and speaking into my future marriage. It was beautiful – every single one of these ladies opened their hearts and allowed God to pour out His love on me through them and God knew that I needed this, especially in this period of my life. Even more amazing was how each one spoke something very specific to me concerning the things that had been weighing me down. They also had a lot of advice, encouraging me to treat my husband with the same love, service and compassion that Christ has shown me and to fix my heart on the Lord. Then of course, the risqué gifts.

By the time we were leaving, I was so full of joy and humility – the latter because what did I do to receive from The Lord, friends like the ones I have? I guess that’s what defines real love – you always feel undeserving of it. It comes like an unrelenting wave, washing over you again and again, when you’re fantastic and when you’re not.