Skip to content



Dear diary,

I attended a worship meeting two days ago and took a seat at the back of the room when I arrived, because I wanted to be inconspicuous but as I mentioned in my last entry, it appears to me that some things are not to be:

Sam found me at the back of the room and asked that I come forward and pray over the children in the room, that they will have purity in their pursuit of God. I was reluctant to comply because I had retreated to avoid standing in front of people and having them fix their eyes on me. However, I felt that familiar nudging on the inside – a reminder to forget myself again and instead focus on what others need.


I obeyed and got up, walking to the front of the room and receiving the microphone that was handed to me. As I waited for the signal to begin, I prayed silently that The Spirit of God would take over and that He would speak over everyone what He wanted to, and He answered. I felt the power of God overtake me and the weight of His presence was heavy.

I cannot remember what I prayed but I know that I could have gone on for hours, praying, declaring, shifting and arranging lives, calling them into alignment. When the prayers were over and I had regained enough control of my body, I slipped out of the gathering as quietly as I could.

Reflecting on my way home, I noted that this frequently happens. No matter how many times I go to the back of the room, I’m always brought forward to stand before people. No matter how much I try to shrink, I find myself unable to hide but more importantly, I’m starting to understand how public and private life are intertwined.

When I first began to share my faith on the internet and to gather people together, I wasn’t aware I was doing ministry. I was simply so excited to tell people how my life had been changed because I was coming knowing this good God. Before that, I had a private life where I lived quietly in God’s presence and spent the days caring for and loving my family. But with an increased reach publicly came abandonment of what had been private because I no longer had time. Where was the time to give God undivided attention and to live life quietly when I have hundreds of people to speak to every day, countless mails and messages to respond to, expectations to fulfil and countless other daily tasks?

It took a while before I realised the mistake I had made by abandoning the private in favour of the public and in repentance, I swung back severely in the opposite direction, resenting anything to do with a public life, wanting to be left alone with The Lord and to begin picking up what was left of the broken fragments of our intimate relationship. The Lord allowed me. I was hurting and working through human experiences and I remember The Lord saying to me one day, “I understand that you are human. Human beings are creatures of extremes. You took one end of a position and now you’ve catapulted yourself to another end but I am patient with you because I know you will find balance. Do not rush yourself through this or you’ll be back where you started. Allow yourself to heal and to gently find balance.”

Holding that microphone on Saturday, I realised I may never be able to separate being public from the calling on my life. It seems to be a requirement for me to access the fullness of God. My public and private life must dance together in harmony, none outweighing the other because for me to continue to flow like a stream, I must give to the people from what The Father pours into me and I must have the wisdom to be able to discern per time, which is most important.

Share post:

34 thoughts on “WHICH IS MOST IMPORTANT”

  1. Wooooooow!! I cried in my heart but this write up meant a whole lot for me, I am learning this as well, somedays I run away from everything and just isolate because I’d rather be left alone building back intimacy but seeing what you wrote I pray I too find Balance. THANK EZINNE
    God bless you always and forever Amen❤

  2. Thank you EZINNE.
    For sharing and surrendering, I can not imagine it being easy. I trust God for Love even in the hard times and I too can relate on being just human but being also just the right vessel for Him.

    God bless you sweet Ezi ❤️

  3. The first part of this entry reminded me of a verse in Matthew where Jesus speaks about how lamps are not hidden but put out there for everyone to see. And through this I’ve also seen how much I have deliberately neglected spending time with Abba.
    Thank you Ezinne.

  4. Wonderful wonderful orangewriter, you are indeed a beautiful writer. I love how your letters are ending, a little bit of suspense at the end that tells us you’ll be back.
    There’s this African American author Nnedi okarofor, I think you should check out some of her books, specifically book of Phoenix. I think you’d like it.
    Thank you writing to us, much love!🧡

    1. I’m so grateful to God that you yielded to obedience even when it wasn’t convenient for you. I have seen through you that there is a lot that follows with pure obedience to God and seeking his kingdom first. Thank you for being God’s vessel 💗

  5. Thank you ezinne
    Thank you for giving yourself to God
    Thank you for showing us the simplicity of knowing God.
    Thank you for sharing these bits and fragments of your life to learn from
    Thank you❤

  6. So, I’m currently in a similar stage of trying to balance my private and public ministry and I stumbled on this. Thanks for sharing.
    Now I know that human beings are creatures of extreme, but I trust God to help me fixate on the most important per time.

    Thanks sis.
    You’re always a timely blessing.

  7. Thank God for bringing your name across to me on social media. Honestly I’ve been away from God since like I was born . But then I’ve been intentional about giving myself away to him. Like I have been looking for the perfect time and moment to do if you know what I mean. I was too scared to do it . I was worried about what the whole world would say. But I was storming thru Twitter one day and an influencer posted your content and I had to look up YouTube for it. The first video was about financial life which moved me to watch another video that totally changer my mind to do this transformation. The next day two days after, I gave my life to Christ again. Like I am so happy 😊. Your content always gives so much joy 😊. Thank you Ezinne Zara. You’re a blessing

  8. Ezinne. I’m just smiling after I said your name because I’m lost for words, I dreamt about you two nights ago. I thank God for your life and for what he poured into you and I thank him for letting you share to us.
    I would love for you to mentor me or coach me through this walk but I know I have to earn it for it to happen and I will.
    Thank you

  9. At a moment in my life where I knew I had not been myself with my relationship with God. You(Ezinne Zara) came in and I blessed God for how He connected me to you.

    I Pray the grace,capacity and strength to keep following God is given to you. So that your life will continue to be a testimony of God’s love.


  10. Hi Ezinne
    I don’t know how to start this but I just want to say something. Thank you so much for all you allow God to do in your life and ours as well. After I came across your content on YouTube, I made a decision to bring out the best in myself, I also wanted to have a personal relationship with God. I want to keep pressing on and don’t give up. I believe some day I will also be able to do want I want with God guiding me all the way through and with him by my side..
    i only wish I could be as close as you are with your sisters so we can relate well and often, I’m hoping to meet you some day even If it takes 50 years but I hope it doesn’t though. smiles.

  11. Dear Zara,

    I just want to say thank you for bible diary for the God-knows-how-many times.
    I’ve just read through the whole blog for the second time, first in Jan. 2021 and now in Oct. 2022. Each time it has sparked love so deep in my heart for God and taken me back to depths of longing and intimacy with Father. I won’t be surprised if God leads me back here again for the 3rd time, but I’ve saved link to a lot of the entries I know I will have to come back to often.

    Also, this particular entry hits me right where I am. It’s almost unbelievable how much clarity has come from just reading this.
    Your vulnerability is a blessing Ezinne; a liberation to us all. To me.

    I love you.
    There’s no post, YouTube, podcast of yours available up to this point I have not seen and been blessed by, you are such bright light.

    I’m going to intentionally consistently pray for you because you are a blessing to me, and the way I personally relate to your personality, expressions and calling makes it all clear to me that God had me in mind when He made you.

    Thank you for yielding to the Spirit. Thank you for letting yourself live.

    Rooting and praying for you with so much love💜

Leave a Reply


Help support Ezinne Zara to keep creating content by giving a financial gift.