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LEARNING TO LIKE MYSELF

30/12/2020

Dear diary,

In recent times, my strongest desire has been for the purity of my heart.

This is something that has danced through my subconscious from time to time over the years, and I cannot deny that there have been key influences that have contributed to this desire being stirred up in me. People like Nathaniel Bassey, Apostle Joshua Selman and Steffany Gretzinger have been and continue to be huge influences in my walk with Jesus Christ. I follow them as they follow Christ.

“And you should imitate me, just as I imitate Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1)

I have always admired Pastor Nathaniel Bassey and the quiet way he serves God through the way he lives his life. However, it was when I started to follow him on Instagram some two years ago that I really began to see how it is the purity of his heart that allows him offer such a sound worship to God. There are many who are gifted in the body of Christ – we are not in any way lacking gifting and skill – but purity is something rare. It is what will ensure that the vessel remains clean and that nothing interferes with the oil that is being poured in and out.

The same can be said of Apostle Joshua Selman – off the pulpit, he appears to be quiet, humble and reserved. Everything about him indicates modesty and purity. On the pulpit however, he roars like I tend to do when overcome with the Spirit of God. I used to be embarrassed at the heat and volume that jumped into my voice when I would talk about Jesus Christ. I felt it wasn’t lady-like and that people would think I was an upset and angry preacher but try as I might, I couldn’t quench the fire. It seemed as if the Lord had given me a voice of conviction. So I chose instead to learn how to like myself.

When watching Steffany Gretzinger, it’s easy to get the courage to do that. She can appear to be plain at first glance but listen to her speak and all of a sudden, she transforms before your eyes and becomes a wonder to behold – a beautiful picture of a life being poured out in worship to God.

I have been changed by the yielded lives of these people. I‘be found myself dissatisfied with where I am and wanting freedom and a pure heart. I know that it is only because they have died so much to who they were born as, that I am able to encounter and see God in them. They have stepped back within themselves and have allowed Him come forward. They may not perfect (far from it) and I didn’t want to be replicas of them, no but I want what I know they have found.

“Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.” (Matthew 5:8)

“Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

“But the things that come out of a person’s mouth come from the heart and these defile them. For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” (Matthew 15:18-19)

How can anyone hid sin in their heart and serve God effectively? It will always find a way to interfere with what The Lord wants to do and I don’t want that. I don’t want to just be yielded – I want to be effective. So for most of my vacation, I have been having long conversations with my husband about this and praying a lot.

One of the ways God speaks to me is through songs. Sometimes a song will bubble up on the inside of me and spill out and I’ll find myself singing it non stop, over and over again. So I listen to what song I’m singing and I identify what frequency my spirit has picked from heaven.

Today’s song is, “Fire Fall Down” by Hillsong United and I haven’t listened to that song since maybe 2015, when I began to walk with Christ but that song represents a timeline of hunger. This was when I had begun my journey to know God and I was so hungry for Him. I would lie in bed listening to this song with earphones on and singing until I would be covered by the presence of The Lord. So it is very interesting that this is the song I woke up singing today, five years after.

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9 thoughts on “LEARNING TO LIKE MYSELF”

  1. Thank you so much for this
    I’m grateful 🙏
    God is taking me through a process of being content and loving me; from my big head😂 to everything….The devil is a big liar, we’re coming forth
    Glory to God 🥳🥳🙌

  2. I wanted to just comment “…voice of conviction”, and let it be. I am going grateful to God for a blessing as you Ezinne ❤ I used to have problem with speaking like a man, but I am more confident now to see Its my power to speak the WORDS. I won’t stop building, thank you Ezinne, this season I’m in has opened me up to what Jesus is set to do in my Generation❤ 🤍🤍🤍🔥💓
    PS: love ya🥰🔥🙌🏼

  3. Dear Ezinne Ma,

    This girl loves you.🤭💝
    In the past few days, she’s gotten herself preoccupied with your matter.😂
    And has come up with this one remedy:
    “Like you, I’ll take it slowly: One day at a time. Over the past few days, I’ve prolly watched all your Youtube videos and read about ten Bible Diary entries; You’ve got this old teenager hooked!”
    And so, she’ll start again: There’s so much to learn from each line, from every sentence. Block after block, layer after layer, till this building stands.

    P.S You are so beautiful. In a world of so many voices, you’re one breath of raw, genuine, fresh air.
    Please keep being you, please keep loving the Lord. We’ll be here, praying for you.💓

  4. Thank you so much for this, I’m at a point in my life where I’ve been asking God for purity and for Him to cleanse me of all fruits that are not of the Holyspirit.

  5. Aw, this was an extremely good post. Finding the time and actual effort to generate a superb article… but what can I say… I put things off a whole lot and never manage to get anything done.

  6. I’m glad I saw the reason you spoke the way you do when speaking about God. I really thought you were a harsh person😩

    P:S Your ministry is rare and it’s one that makes my spirit glad!

  7. I so so love Steffany Gritzinger, from out of Hiding to Communion, the way she laughs and shakes while she sings is everything, you can tell that the words she sings are her reality.
    After listening to Communion my idea of fellowshipping changed too, I wanted to be at home and at peace like she did while she sang.

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